Imagine if you will, you’re out with friends and meet someone you assume from his fabulously tailored suit or the eloquently, wondrous curves of her silhouette, there’s an attraction of sorts and you’re in the midst of a great conversation. Immediately the conversation goes left because someone utters the words “it’s complicated” when the question was asked are you seeing someone?
So ask yourself, how would you react? After all, it was a yes or no question. Is this a deal breaker for you? Would you be curious about what’s so complicated? Do you even care? Are the red flags flying high at full mass?
I started this article curious about how folks viewed hearing the words it’s complicated when meeting new people socially and in a setting that suggests you’re out mingling for dating purposes. It’s important that I clarify this because what I found was not only interesting, but it gave me insight on where we are as a society in this dark age of dating.
It’s no secret that men and women view situations differently, but why? The majority of the women I spoke to were immediately not having it when asked their opinions on the question and the response being, it’s complicated. They said things like; it was a yes or no question and saying it’s complicated made them feel like they were being dishonest or playing games. Others felt like they didn’t want to waste their time with someone that had complicated issues going on and were pissed that they were even out if they were in something, complicated or not. There were, however, a few women that surprised me. When asked the same question with the same response, they weren’t as quick to dismiss the idea of seeing the individuals regardless. So, of course, I asked why. This small group of women didn’t want to judge or felt that sometimes situations were complicated and they weren’t deterred because of it. They were sympathetic and wanted to know more. What if they were in a bad marriage and needed a reason or a good woman to show them they were worth leaving their wife? One woman went one step further and shared that she actually likes complicated, stating a little drama never hurt anyone. Hmmm…spoken like a woman destined to be the other woman, just saying!
Now the men were amusingly predictable in saying it didn’t bother them one way or the other because they either were up for the challenge or it wasn’t that deep. They said things like, if I meet a woman and she’s cute, it doesn’t mean she’s the one, I’m just trying to get to know her and honestly it’s sexual, not emotional. Others said, if I’m seriously looking, then it’s a red flag and even then, I might play it out to see how far I can get, because it is what it is and if a woman says it’s complicated that means she’s open to the possibility of replacing who she’s with and that’s a win-win. Typical, but I’m not judging.
Are you shaking your head yet? Well before you judge the few I had the pleasure of interviewing for this article, try and understand that as I stated previously, we’re in this dark age of dating and simply put that means folks aren’t happy and they’re looking at things differently and challenging what they believe and at times creating excuses to justify their dating practices and this is a serious shift in how we process what we want, what we need and more importantly how we survive the decisions that we do make during these transitions in and out of what we think are the relationships we want to be in.
Let’s be real for a minute. In these streets, you do have options. Question is do you believe you’re worthy enough and if you do, are you prepared to make the sacrifices needed to hold out for Mr. or Ms. Right. If not, maybe settling for Mr. or Ms. Right now is the best that you think you can do and if that’s the case, I would strongly suggest you start paying closer attention to why you feel this way and take a long look at why you might not be as happy as you’d like to be.Start right now and own the truth you deserve. You have the right to be in a healthy, committed relationship with a person who respects you, desires you and wants nothing but the best for you emotionally, spiritually, financially and physically and you don’t have to settle for anything less.. Aren’t you worth that kind of truth? Or maybe, it’s complicated!