First impressions can be nerve-wracking, especially when the impression you’re giving isn’t true to who you are. So why the cloak and dagger routine just to fail eventually? Are we so damaged that we have to create personas to make us look good or feel better about ourselves?
Social media has really taken the dating scene to a whole new level of deception and make no mistake; it really hurts to build friendships with people you think you know based on what you’ve read about them or what they’ve created to share with you.
Check this out, you’re on IG, Snap Chat, Facebook, and Twitter and there’s someone who follows your every move and it feels good that someone’s staying connected to you. Then you’re finally comfortable enough, after exchanging numbers, to go out and it goes well enough that you’re intrigued with the possibility that this one is better than alright.
So it’s only natural to want your circle of friends to meet him and see what they think. You talk to him about a party hosted by your friends and ask if he’d like to go. You even give him the option of inviting his friends so it won’t appear he’s on display. He agrees to go, without any of his friends, because this is about you and he’s excited to spend time with you and your friends. So far so good right?
Keep in mind his routine thus far had been to text every morning, throughout the day and even making sure that the last text of the evening was his to see you off to dreamland. You’re probably waiting for that but factor right?
Well, a few days before the party, all of a sudden he wasn’t texting like he usually did, and the calls weren’t as frequent, yet the lines of communication were still open. So much so he explained that he was stressed about a test he’d been studying for and even apologized for being preoccupied, but he was looking forward to the party and meeting her friends. Fast forward to the day of the party, no returned
texts to finalize whether they were to meet at the party or go together, but the texts referring to any and everything but the party, were met with immediate attention.
Stranger still, a phone call during the party suggested that he was confused because instead of being at the party, he casually wanted to talk like he hadn’t committed to hanging out and meeting her friends. Needless to say, that call was short.
The next day she called him to express her disappointment that he didn’t communicate better or apologize for not showing up for the party or at the very least, explain why. It was really embarrassing that her friends were excited to meet him and he was a no-show. It left a sour taste in her mouth and showed her this wasn’t the behavior of someone who wanted to meet her friends and quite frankly it was a red flag how he didn’t communicate what was actually going on.
His reaction to how she felt, silence. This was also troubling because up till then he was all over her social media liking and showing the love, texting her all the time and now she couldn’t get two words out of him on what was up. They hung up and it wasn’t till later that evening that he finally reached out to her via text and said he was sorry, but since she’d already made up her mind about how he handled himself, there was nothing he could do or say. She didn’t even respond, feeling like why bother since his apology was weak, vague and unlike the person she’d originally shown interest in.
Was her reaction extreme? Why didn’t he respond to her text about the party? Although he claimed to be preoccupied with studying for a test, perhaps a text to confirm he wouldn’t make the party would have been better than not showing. Did he create a level of distrust by saying nothing and not going to the party? He started a pattern of calling and texting and then stopped, should he have explained why? Was this too much too soon? Did he owe her an explanation or did she read too much into his behavior?
Look, there are so many ways you can look at this situation, but what stands out most for me is simple. This young man created a pattern of how he communicated with this young woman and then he stopped. To some, that may seem trivial, but in this case, he’s responsible for setting the tone and how it progressed to this point.
For example, he started by following her every move on social media and then continued via texting in the Am, throughout the day and even a PM text before bed. When he stopped, he should have been more transparent about what he didn’t want, rather than ignoring her text about the party, but instead, he chose to engage her about other topics via text. Why text at all if you’re avoiding the party.
Maybe he was studying and preoccupied as he stated. Maybe he was just not that into her after all. Just maybe he was into someone new and that’s okay, but let a sista know what’s up already. I mean avoid drama at all cost by simply explaining yourself. I know that might be foreign for most folks. I think they call that too much like right.
Clearly, this young lady was mature enough to recognize she saw something she liked. Then she also took noticed to something she didn’t and called a brother out on it and when he couldn’t answer appropriately, she made a real decision that she wouldn’t entertain it.
Personally, I applaud her. Why you might ask? She did something we don’t see enough. She didn’t settle. We meet folks and we immediately make excuses for behaviors that make us uncomfortable. We ignore the signs because we’re afraid of being alone. Maybe the choices aren’t what they use to be. Whatever you’re willing to admit, it’s clear that folks suffer in relationships because it’s just easier.
When did being alone create such a pattern of misery and embarrassment that we settle for whoever bites first? Well, if that’s where we are, you get the hand!!!